I love snow. I absolutely love snow. I had forgotten how much I loved snow. We had 4in/10cm of snow on Sunday afternoon, so in between helping my husband out of bed, getting hotpacks, meals .....and all the usual, I got my four dressed up in layers and layers - at least 7, and not forgetting socks for gloves - we went out in the snow - and they loved it too - the crunching, the shovelling, the snowmen, the throwing, the exploring, the waving in at 'Dad', the falling down, the snow angels.
We had so much fun.
We were snowed in (well, I wouldn't drive in it!) for a day, and thankfully no pipes froze, and we had plenty food - so we could just enjoy it. When they were all in bed, I took a few moments out the back to run in the snow and kick up the snow and to feel how good that was and to allow myself to feel the goodness of it.
That good feeling didn't last into Monday, and I realised I had been thinking negatively and being critical of myself, without being aware of exactly what I was thinking. I am now beginning to recognise the heavy feeling that lets me know I've been hard on myself. I need to be more vigilant in noticing the thoughts that go before.
Rain and strong winds have melted the snow, but what great memories we have.
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So there I was, waiting for the year to 'take off', itching to start sewing, looking for inspiration, browsing through Japanese pattern books, looking at online fabric sales, just waiting for the lightbulb moment when the pattern, fabric and idea would collide and I could start. Maybe some spring clothes for my daughter, maybe a top for a nieces birthday........
Well, life just happened.
Husband on total bed-rest with back pain, can barely manage an assissted shuffle to the bathroom. Decides to stand outside for a cigarette and collapses ( while I was being the good nurse -qualified a good few years ago- and airing the room!!!!!!)- managed to get him back into bed where he went all cold and clammy and out of it. He came around after about 10 mins, Doctor came to see him.
So now it's 3 days later, not much improvement and it could go on for another few days at least. I hadn't realised how much I was depending on him to do shopping, cook some meals, just being around and there to lean on.
And there I was, looking for some chink of light , almost praying for some help to get me on my feet. It is so truly right -'Be careful what you wish for' - I absolutely did not see this coming.
Find I'm able to notice negative thoughts - especially to do with worring about driving on icy roads, worrying about water pipes in this big freeze, worrying about managing shopping and family stuff, and then I notice the low feelings that go along with the thoughts and try a happier version of the thought - and it helps to lift the heavy feelings that go along with the negative thinking.
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